Ramblings on recovery

Getting up on a Sunday morning and not having a plan of where I’m headed for 3 or 4 or 8 hours. That middle place. Trying to sit in that middle place and see how I feel. But always the question that pops up… what’s next? Why does something have to be next? Can’t I just enjoy the freedom of no structure, no plans, no workouts? Can I take time to process the emotions of the race, the joy, the anger, the frustration.

In case you missed it, at the end of September I ran my second 100 mile run at the Yeti 100 in Abingdon VA. It was an extremely challenging run for me and crossing that finish line brought me so much joy and a feeling of accomplishment. After the race being cancelled in 2024, I felt as if I had been training for this for 2 years! And now it was over. For the first few days after the race I embraced recovery. My legs were sore, but in a good “I used them way”, my feet were a bit swollen and shredded and not wanting to fit into shoes, but that was okay too. It was warm enough for flip flops. My sleep and eating were still wonky. I was expecting to sleep for hours and eat for days, but I guess my body needed a slower reintroduction. As far as running, I gave myself a full week off and was not missing it AT ALL. I took walks, did yoga, and slept more. I had no “next race” on the calendar.

After about a week I was sleeping much more and still tired, snacking all day and still needing a bedtime snack every night, even after dessert! My feet were still a bit angry but were able to fit into shoes, which was helpful since I needed to work in a kitchen and a bakery. I even started to go for runs. Just a few easy miles, enjoying the foliage, the sunshine and the lack of structure. I wore my new Yeti hat on runs and I even wore my belt buckle (not on a run!) I was eating more fruits and veggies (and less PopTarts!) Doing all the post race things to take care of my body.

Two weeks after my raceI I started to feel an odd sadness, an aimless, somewhat anxious feeling. It was Sunday morning, we had waffles for breakfast and I wasn’t sure what to do next. I wanted to go for a run, but did I want to go run for 4 hours or just 4 miles? Is my body recovered enough to run longer or should I still be going easy? Maybe I needed another race on the calendar? Or did I? Could I just enjoy running for the joy of it, the pleasure and peace it brings me? I decided another week of easy running was a good idea, and my body would know when it was time to go longer. Or would it? Is it my body or my mind that was in charge here. My mind has so often overruled my body (eg. years of eating disorders, running 100 miles….) that sometimes I don’t know if I can truly to “listen to my body.”

That next week the sadness hung around. It wasn’t a sadness that anyone would notice, but it was a feeling inside of … I am not sure…a hollowness, am emptiness. Was it grief? As I am writing this I realize it might sound incredibly privileged. But hey, I can’t help how I was feeling. So of course I did what we often do when we are feeling empty, sad, hollow. I tried to fill the emptiness by finding another race. Hopping on Ultrasignup looking for the next race. Watching Youtube videos and reading race reports. I was starting to feel better, more excited, alive. But also thinking why do I need to fill the space. Can I not just let the process evolve before I try to find the “next shiny thing.” What about waiting for the next obvious thing? It’s like when you come back from a great vacation and then start planning to move there. Oh wait, everyone else doesn’t do that…

I think a part of me feels this way because of my age. I didn’t start in this ultrarunning space until I was 55, and while I hopefully have many, many years of running ahead of me, clearly there are less years ahead than behind. I feel the need to grab all opportunities, take all the chances and not wonder what if. I tend to be a spontaneous person in the rest of my life, as evidenced by living and working in 13 or so places in the last 20 years. As I mentioned in my previous posts on running though, I really do love the training process. Of course I love the running, but having a goal, the race being a celebration day of all the training is something that has come be so meaningful. And seeing so many others with that same focus is gratifying. And the community at the races is something truly special.

So what is the next obvious thing? Is it taking time to still recover and rediscover just running for it’s own joy, picking another race, or planning my own adventure. Or maybe it is not running related at all. How about a winter getaway to someplace warm, on the ocean, Maybe it is finally time write that memoir. Or sign up for a writing workshop. Whatever it is I hope you will stick around in this space and see what it is.

Thank you for being here with me today and reading my ramblings. Please let me know if you liked today’s post by tapping the “heart” as it helps more people find me! Or you can add a comment if anything in particular resonated with you. I always enjoy hearing from you! I am so incredibly grateful for all of my readers and subscribers. All of your likes, comments, and notes are truly an inspiration to me!